How to handle girls who break appointments and dates.

Be ready when she calls to cancel

The sad and scary truth is, women are genetically programmed to flake out on men – especially recently acquainted men. Dr. Warren Farrell has noted in his book “The Myth of Male Power” a substantial number of married women have admitted to denying a first date to the man they eventually married. And why is this? Is it because “she’s busy?”

Nope.

Do you really think she’d be “busy” if Brad Pitt asked her out on a date?

Nope.

Why? Brad Pitt is a high value male and she is already familiar with his social status. She doesn’t need to invoke any testing routines with him. You however, are a stranger. And one of the ways she can gauge your sincerity, is by throwing up roadblocks and watching how good you are at dealing with them. Indeed, even if Brad Pitt told her he’d meet her on Monday morning at 7:00 AM, on the very day of her Grandma’s funeral, she would most likely, somehow, arrange to meet him.

There is no such thing as “busy.” There is only a high value appointment, and a low value appointment. Strange men like you (who she just met on the internet) are of a particularly low value to her. Women will sabotage your efforts of seduction as a means to test your persistence.

“One strong signal of commitment is a man’s persistence in courtship. It can take the form of spending a lot of time with the woman, seeing her more often than other women, dating her for an extended period of time, calling her frequently on the phone, and writing her numerous letters. These tactics are extremely effective in courting women as permanent mates, with average effectiveness ratings of 5.48 on a 7-point scale, but only a moderately effective 4.54 at courting casual sex partners. Furthermore, persistence in courtship proves to be more effective for a man than for a woman because it signals that he is interested in more than casual sex.” ¹

Of course most of this is happening in her brain at an unconscious level. In her mind, she just doesn’t feel like meeting you right now. So she confabulates a mechanism to avoid you. When this happens, don’t get angry. Women are highly emotional, anxious creatures. Dating is stressful and women put a lot more at risk than we do when they attach themselves to a man. David Buss writes:

“Men’s willingness to tolerate the costs, and to be responsive to the increasing demands for investment, signals a greater level of commitment to the relationship…[The] woman gains valuable information about the strength of the bond. Neither the functions of moodiness nor the functions of reserve require conscious thought on the part of the actor. Women need not be aware that they are attempting to test the strength of the man’s commitment. Men need not be aware that they are trying to minimize their commitment to reserve some for efforts outside the couple. Like most psychological mechanisms, the functions of conflict over emotional constriction and expression remain hidden from view.” ²

So, to get to where you want to be, learn to spot her little games and keep illustrating the following properties:

Stick-to-itiveness
Persistence
Patience
Understanding
Commitment
Resilience
Drive
Motivation

Women find the above displays attractive.

Erik von Markovik (“Mystery” of The Mystery Method)

“There will always be some percentage of flakes. Girls tend to be flaky creatures. They don’t just flake on you—they flake on their friends and family, and often they even flake on themselves. Just keep calling them anyway. Put them in the rotation. There is a random component to the game. Sometimes a girl who really liked you won’t return your calls. Sometimes a girl who wasn’t so solid is suddenly ready to come over and get it on. You never know! So just keep them in the rotation and keep practicing. Never take any number seriously. As your game improves, your flake percentages will drop. So keep working on value, attract, qualify, comfort, et cetera. Keep working on conditioning girls to chase you and get invested in the interaction. The tighter your game, the fewer flakes you will have to deal with. Often you can’t even get the girl on the phone. Big deal. Maybe it’s buyer’s remorse. Maybe her friends talked her out of it. Maybe her cat just died. Leave her a message and call the next girl.”

Jeffy Allen (“Jlaix” of Real Social Dynamics)

“You can never eliminate flakes. You can mitigate flakes. By due diligence – covering all your bases during the initial interaction. But you’re never going to be able to eliminate them. And what makes this doubly frustrating, is that a lot of times, it will seem as though there is absolutely no rhyme or reason whatsoever to which ones call you back and which ones don’t. Like the girl you talked to for three hours and had this incredible connection with, won’t return your calls. And the one you talked to for five minutes on the bus answers on the first ring and is like, “oh my god I’m so glad you called let’s kick it yo!” You never know. And the reason being…you don’t know what’s going on in these people’s lives. Maybe they got a new job…maybe their mom got sick…maybe they got home and realized that they love their boyfriend…you cannot take it personally. I still get flakes. But I don’t care…I’ve ceased to attach any emotional significance whatsoever to them. Plus I have that abundance mentality… You know it takes a lot of energy to meet new people. It’s kind of like a frightening thing. Just because I’ve been on a million freaking dates doesn’t mean that everyone else has. So you gotta take that in mind.”

Stephane Hemon (“Stephan” of ideaGasms)

Stephane has stated that he often simply won’t take a girls number. Instead, he gives her his number and tells her to call him if she’s genuinely interested.

Payton Kane (Seduce & Conquer)

Payton Kane has been known to advise that you simply berate a woman who calls to cancel — forcefully demanding that she keep her existing appointment.

Wayne Elise (“Juggler” of Charisma Arts)

“When she calls [to cancel], begin to tell her about your day. Talk about some interesting experience, etc… In other words work on attracting her more. Don’t give her the chance to say why she is calling. You know why. Make her laugh, etc. Then tell her, “By the way, I need to move our date back a half hour.” Get her in a good mood, don’t let her get to what she called about and she will change her mind about flaking on you. It is flakiness, right, she can just as easily flake on her reason to call – flake on herself. Then, once you got her agreeing to move the meet back a half hour you can say, ‘Thanks for calling to confirm or were you just trying to make sure we wore similar outfits?’ See, you never let them cancel.”

References

Buss, David. “The Evolution Of Desire: Strategies Of Human Mating.” Basic Books , 1995: p. 102.
Buss, David. “The Evolution Of Desire: Strategies Of Human Mating.” Basic Books , 1995: p. 159.

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