How to write your first email to a girl on a dating website.

Men make the first move

Now that you’ve created your online profile, can you just sit back and let the girls line up at your door? No, usually not.
It is your role as a man to email her. In nature, men pursue. A woman bears the brunt of the replication workload – pregnancy and child rearing. There are more female humans than male humans on the planet. But there are more males who want to breed, than there are breeding-age females. So if she is sexually viable at all, it’s in her interest to be choosy. As Neil Strauss writes:

“If there was anything I’d learned, it’s that the man never chooses the woman. All he can do is give her an opportunity to choose him.” ( Neil, Strauss. “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists.” IT Books, 2005: p. 434.)

Occasionally, women will write you an email first. But usually, it is our job to start the ball rolling. Note that your target will read your email, and then your profile. So ultimately your email text is perhaps even more important than your profile text. Your email text is the lure.

Emailing women – what to not do

In our brave new world of chaotic information, we have gotten too used to jotting out error-prone emails as fast as possible. But in seduction, a man’s words are of pivotal importance. What we say, or more specifically, how we say it, is quite literally the most important aspect of attraction.

In the book “Self-Made Man: One Woman’s Journey into Manhood and Back”, Norah Vincent, a lesbian writer, posed as a man and used the internet to get dates with straight women. She even managed a few sexual encounters this way – despite the fact that the women she was seeking were not even lesbians and most had never had a homosexual experience! Vincent indicated that a common reason the women gave for choosing her, over the other male internet suitors, was the fact that Vincent wrote in real, grammatically correct sentences and sounded like she cared about what she was writing.

So let’s go over a few common email mistakes.

Do not say the obvious about her username, profile content, or pictures. If she has a picture of herself hugging Shamu at Sea World, then do not talk about Shamu! Trust me she’s already got a million emails about it and she doesn’t want to talk about whales anymore.
Never compliment her exclusively on her beauty.
Do not talk about her spelling mistakes.
Do not use emoticons.
Do not use abbreviations. Even if she writes back in a “texting-style” (e.g. ‘I dunno wud u wanna go out som tim w me?) do not write her back in the same fashion! Use clear and beautiful English for all text and email communications.
Do not send a stock email. What do you do every afternoon? You throw junk mail away and delete spam from your inbox. It is easy for a person to tell if a letter is addressed to them or not. You must mention something specific in your email to her
Do not talk about logistics in your email like these:

“I’m sorry but I’m closing my account in a week so you only have four days to respond and get this moving.”
“My connection is slow and I’m not sure if I got your last email.”
“I think that I clicked on your profile by mistake but we can talk anyway.”
“I’m not sure if I can get off work in the next three weeks but it might be possible.”

Email Composition

The lost art of letter writing

Once upon a time, before the invention of email, people actually used to devote large portions of their day to writing long letters in a structured format. But the world has moved on, and we have largely adopted the habit of sending, not letters, but rapidly pounded and abbreviated word clusters that somewhat resemble sentences. Such electronic communiqués do indeed make the world move faster. But they’re not very romantic. So let’s go over some ways in which we may blend the speed of the modern age, with the romance of the past.

The mood of the first dating site email.

In general, you should be keeping these three qualities in your head while you are composing your first email:

Novelty – She’s already got a hundred emails from guys who tell her she’s “hot” and ask her to go see a movie. Dull. You need to unique to stick out in her mind.
Brevity – Remember, she’s a stranger. While two lovers might take the time to scribe lengthy love letters to each other, two strangers do not. Instead we want to deliver her a compressed emotional punch, in as few words as possible.
Authenticity – The internet is a strange land full of strange people. It is easy to tell lies online, and consequently, many people do. So we have to make an effort to come across as a real person.

Email Composition Part 1 – The subject line

Men on internet dating sites do not put nearly enough thought into the subject line. The subject line literally represents the first unit of information that you will exchange exclusively with her. As stated before, the email queue of an attractive woman gets filled with email soon after she enrolls. It looks something like this:

Her email inbox.

Notice how boring and uncreative the subjects and the usernames are. Do any of these guys strike you as being interesting? An attractive girl will receive so many emails, that she often won’t even open half of them. She will only read the ones that sound interesting. So your subject line has to grab her eye. In general, your best bet is to create a subject line that reflects something unique in her profile.
Here are a few examples of other types of subject lines:

Bad Email Subject Lines

Hi
You spelled ‘outrageous’ wrong!
My account is closing soon, email me.
I think I’ve met you before.

Witty Email Subject Lines

Free dating advice for Swedish girls.
Whatever you do, don’t open this email!
I can smell your feet
How bizarre?

Tricky Email Subject Lines

Now you have to be careful with these. Site owners don’t like strange keyboard characters passing through their servers. And you can’t make it look like you’re trying to pass yourself off as an administrator.

MATCH.COM There’s a problem with your profile
Sorry Next weekend won’t work
I want to apologize
Re: last night

Email Composition Part 2 – The Salutation

When strangers meet for the first time, they exchange greetings. So let’s start off on the right foot by simply being courteous.

Hello.
Hi.
Hi there.

Email Composition Part 3 – Your Introduction

Now before you start ranting on about something in her profile, introduce yourself in some fashion. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate introduction, and you don’t even need to use your name. But in this first sentence we want to start to build the setting from which she will digest the rest of your email. For example:

“I’m a student at Arizona State, recently moved here from California to go to school.”

Email Composition Part 4 – There’s something about Mary

Have you ever heard a girl say, “There’s something about that guy?”
When a female is attracted to a man, most of the time, she herself is simply not really sure why. Men find it much easier to define why we like a girl initially. If you ask a guy, he’ll simply start talking about her looks. It takes more prodding to get a guy to start talking about her personality. And then, with still more prodding, a man too might say, “I dunno, there’s just something about her.”
Human attraction occurs in deep, ancient centers of our brains. We’re simply not meant to have direct access to these regions. And, I believe, this is why girls so often express the sum of their attraction with such ambiguous language. “There’s just something about him.”
So when we talk about some positive aspects of her profile, let’s try to capitalize on the ambiguity that makes up that, oh so enigmatic, female lexicon. I call this next line a “There’s just something about Mary statement.”

There was something about your profile that caught my eye.
I’m not sure, but something about your profile really made you stand out.
You really do sound unique. There was something in your profile that really stuck with me.
You know when you were talking about how much you loved travelling in Croatia, something about that made me have to write you.
When you talked about your other life in New York, something about you sounded so interesting.
You have such a sheepish grin in that picture of you with the green sweater. There’s something about you that seems so interesting.
There’s something about you in that second photo. You have such a devilish look.

Try to compose sentences that comment on something unique to her profile. Be unique, insightful, and context-sensitive.

Email Composition Part 5 – Question and Qualify

We need to ask her something about herself, subtly implying that you will be judging her on her response. For example:

“What kind of music do you like?”
“What do your friends say about you?”
“What’s your favorite club in town?”
“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”

Email Composition Part 6 – Call-to-Action

In this sentence, we are urging her to make a move to further escalate the interaction. In your first email, keep it simple. Don’t worry about timing and dates right now. Just throw the bait out there and worry about logistics later.

Email Composition Part 7 – Complimentary Close

The so-called “complimentary close” is a little letter writing formality that the internet seems to have, in large part, ignored. Imagine if you were sending a love letter across the Atlantic Ocean to London. Would you just cut it off “full stop” at the end of the last page? No. You should at least close with something.

Have an awesome day!
Take care!
Hope to hear from you soon!
Have a great day!

Email Composition Part 8 – The Signature Block

The vast majority of the email she will receive from men on the dating website will not be signed. So let’s be different. Let’s sign our name. As mentioned several times, we need to come across as a real person. And signing your email (with a human name), makes you appear much more genuine than those who simply go about using their wacky screen name alias during the entire interaction.

Sample Email

The first email.

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