How to take pictures for an online dating website that create an emotional impact.

How many pictures make a good story?

With your remaining photos, it’s time to get creative and fill in the canvas so she comes away thinking you’re a person worth knowing. Well, I shouldn’t even have to say this, but it is indeed surprising how many men don’t put any photos at all on their dating profile. This is a shame because they are simply shooting themselves in the foot.

“A low-income, poorly educated, unhappily employed, not-very-attractive, slightly overweight, and balding man who posts his photo stands a better chance of gleaning some e-mails than a man who says he makes $200,000 and is deadly handsome but doesn’t post a photo.”( Levitt, Steven & Dubner, Stephen. “Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything.” William Morrow, 2005.)

Additionally, a lot of men only post one photo, believing that this is enough to seal the deal. What they don’t realize is that many girls will simply not respond at all to men who only have one or two photo. And I don’t blame them. Such profiles are simply too easy to fake. And everyone knows how deceiving photography can be.

Ideally, she needs to be able to see you in many social settings, from many different angles. You should try to put up an absolute minimum of four photos. The goal of placing pictures on a dating site is to use them to tell a story about you. She will ponder at least one of your pictures (your primary one) if she’s actively seeking a mate via the search utility. And she will look at all of your pictures if her interest in you is sparked somehow.

Capturing a personality in 2D

“The art of meeting women is the art of learning how to convey your personality very, very quickly, so she can see different qualities about you in as quick a time as possible.” – Owen Cook of Real Social Dynamics

In real life there are no freeze frames. Our mind’s take in the world via many simultaneously operating sub channels. But the camera captures just one channel – a 2D optical image. The same person, in the same light, in the same clothes, can convey infinitely many moods in a photograph, simply by slightly altering his facial features and his pose. His level of attraction, as perceived by a sampling of women, will rise and fall depending on what unique look is captured in the photo. So to get your best shot, you must take lots and lots of photos.

Playboy magazine features the most beautiful women in the world. And yet, they take thousands of pictures of the same girl for one magazine spread. Not hundreds. Thousands. Of these thousands, less than a dozen pictures of the model are published. “But they’re so hot,” you say. “Can’t the photographer just throw some lingerie on them and snap one shot?” No he can’t. Photography is a delicate art and these guys make a lot of money for their ability to pose a model and photograph a mood.
So let’s look at some good pictures that convey personality and spark human interest. I’ve posted some pictures of the legendary James Dean, rock star Jacob Dylan, and actor Benicio Del Toro (who in my opinion has the most expressive face in Hollywood.

Wicked facial expressions.

Notice the powerful emotions these images convey. Now all three of these guys are indeed blessed with traditionally attractive features (mostly hair and eyes). But the artistic quality of the photo and their expressive faces is what ultimately makes these pictures alluring.
Think of it this way. The late James Dean is still considered the epitome of male sex appeal. But James Dean was fairly short – only 5′-8″. He looks attractive here. But try to imagine the same guy wearing a baseball cap, white Nike running shoes, and blue jogging shorts, and walking into your local Denny’s to order a cheeseburger. If nobody knew his name, do you think any woman in the restaurant would swoon? Or imagine Benicio Del Toro banging on your door in a Dominos pizza uniform screaming that your pizza was ready. Do you think the girl answering the door would perceive him as a heartthrob?

Nope.

In a classic attraction experiment, researchers photographed handsome men and ugly men in the clothing attire of different occupations. These included everything from Mc Donald’s uniforms to doctor’s coats. From pest inspector coveralls, to lawyer suits. When they asked women to select the pictures of the ones they wanted to date, which pictures do you think they chose? The hot young guys?

Nope.

On average, women preferred to date the men who manifested the image of having a prestigious career (i.e. the lawyers and the doctors). Now when the same experiment was done on male test subjects, the occupation of the women didn’t matter too much. Men basically chose the hot girl no matter what she had on.
The point here is to emphasize that good imagery is not necessarily based on the skeletal features of the face you’re born with. Rather, your body language, and your ability to cast a human expression are pivotal in the excitation of female attraction circuitry. Wayne Elise emphasizes these topics this way:

“Next time you watch your favorite television drama pay close attention to the actors’ faces. Notice how much more expressive they are than people in real life. They communicate nonverbally. You have no doubt when they feel sad, fascinated, or determined because their expressions are exaggerated. In a sense, all good acting is over-acting. That makes fiction seem real and you forget you are watching make-believe. An actor who attempts to express in the limited manner that real people express in real life appears wooden and uninteresting. In the weird way that it works, only exaggeration can create the illusion of normalcy. That’s why actors get paid.” ( Elise, Wayne. “How to Meet and Connect with Women.” 2006: p. 27.)

Now the above examples above are probably a bit too dramatic. I’m not giving you carte blanche to upchuck intense displays of human drama in every picture. Rather, I use these examples simply to make the case that subtle expressions take work to capture, and that male attractiveness is based on many variables. With your pictures, as with so many other aspects in the art of seduction, you must balance your passion with reservation.

Common Picture Problems

	The Ambiguity Problem Nice picture but which one is you? You are the star of your own profile. You should be the prominent element of every picture.
	Body Shots One word: “Don’t.” Women look sexy when they show skin. In a dating context, men look cheesy and flamboyant.
	Invasion of random body parts Showing a picture of yourself with random arms and legs popping up all over the place is annoying and makes us think that you’re hiding something or that you’re simply too lazy to take a better picture of yourself.
	The Actor Head Shot There is a certain sort of glamour shot that is just too fake and too dramatic. A lot of times, this is the sort of headshot produced by cheap studios catering to amateur actors in Hollywood. For reasons unknown to me, these actor shots are always black and white and have weird lighting. Avoid such photographs. They look like the kind of shot you see in the drama department page of your high school yearbook.
	The Mug Shot To this day I’m continually surprised how many guys on the internet post shots like this one. Uneven shadows and a brooding evil glare says stay away. We’re all programmed to fear dark places and shady people.
	The Bad Glamour Shot Going to Sears with your coupon and getting a high gloss 8×10 glamour shot usually doesn’t produce great results. You’re better off getting someone who will meet you at a natural scene like a cool downtown street or a beach or a park.
	Too Obstructed Most of your pictures should not contain sunglasses, hats, coats, or anything that will hide your head and body. Confident people have nothing to hide.
	The Same-Same Problem This guy posted three photos. That’s good. But, they were obviously all taken on the same day, in the same room, while he was wearing the same shirt. Every picture in your portfolio should feature you in different clothing and in a different setting. It gives the appearance that you have a diverse and busy life.
	“Hey that doesn’t look like you!” This picture is perfect! Half smile, slightly leaning forward, good colors. And boy is that guy attractive. The problem is that he looks nothing like you! In fact, that’s Brad Pitt. Don’t put up pictures of someone else and don’t put up pictures of yourself 20 years and 20 pounds ago. Show yourself. Convey humor and be at ease. People respect, admire, and are attracted to those who are comfortable in their own skin.
	Erased From Existence Staring up your Microsoft Paint program and whiting out someone’s face will protect your friend’s anonymity. But it also makes you look really dodgy.
	Pure Randomness Many people photograph elements of their life that they think conveys a hobby or desire. This guy probably wanted to say he likes camping. But this is just a horrible picture of a tent. If you want to convey you like camping, get a fire, some friends, and a cup of hot chocolate and take a good picture – with the tent in the background.
	Crop out half your world Possibly because they don’t understand how to correctly crop digital images, a lot of people will simply post bad pictures of themselves in which they have not-so-skillfully cut out whoever was standing next to them. Don’t do this. If your friends are around you, we’d like to see them (preferably off center, and slightly in the background). And if you’re going to showcase yourself, then take a proper picture!
	Looking to heaven The color and contrast in the photo is great. I just don’t like his eyes. During our daily conversations, we rarely see people peering up to the heavens in this fashion. It tends to make people look entranced or demonic.
	Ridiculous outdoor lighting This shot has an interesting lens flare effect in it. But you must remember that this is a dating website. She wants to see YOU. Not lighting effects.
	Hands on your face Generally (and especially for your primary photo) you should keep your hands off your face.
	Moody This picture isn’t horrible from an artistic standpoint. It’s actually conveying a mood quite well. And there is a certain type of girl who loves the lone philosopher. But be careful with images like this. They have a tendency to turn women off. In general, women do not want to sit around contemplating their existential angst with a recently acquainted stranger.
	Vanilla Backgrounds This picture is copasetic. But he obviously took it in front of his bedroom wall. Featureless backgrounds tend to make you look vapid and lonely. Try to get some sort of interesting texture, color, or movement in all of your pictures.
	Masked Backgrounds Similar to the above-mentioned “Vanilla Backgrounds” problem, this picture too suffers from a lack of background. In fact, there is no background at all – because it was masked out by the photographer. “Lightbox-style” pictures like this are great when you are selling an iPod on eBay. But when you’re looking for a date with a real person, they tend to make you look too artificial – too much like a product for sale, rather than a caring man.
	He didn’t even try! Not much needs to be said about this picture. Who knows what this guy was thinking when he posted it as his primary photo. Surely, any online dating tyro knows that pictures like this won’t result in anything but wasted credit card charges to Match.com.
	Sun streaks Generally, you want to avoid having beams of harsh light only hit portions of your face. Always go for even toned lighting.
	Hugging inanimate objects Musicianship is attractive. But this guy is showcasing his banjo in a fashion that’s just too odd for a dating site. If you’re going to take pictures featuring your hobbies, then show yourself actually doing the hobby.
	States of undress Shots like this just do not impress women. He’s got a good body. But he’s losing points with this shot.
	Highly pixilated face shots I shouldn’t even really have to mention this person’s bad choice of pictures. But, the internet is just simply loaded with horribly pixilated face shots. Remember, you must submit large images to dating websites because they are automatically shrunk and down-sampled upon load.
	Beware the “Contrast Effect” Did you know that Tom Cruise, Al Pacino, Bruce Lee, Dustin Hoffman, and Lenny Kravitz are all only 5′-7″ (170.18 cm) tall? But when you see them on TV, they often appear taller. Why? Because directors are aware of the power of “reference” and the “contrast effect”. If you are very tall or very short, make an effort to avoid taking pictures in front of objects that exaggerate these properties. Instead, take pictures that depict you in a more accessible way.