How to search for a girlfriend online
“The mind knows not what the tongue wants.”
A lot of men will join a dating website and immediately start browsing through female profile statistics looking for a woman they might be “compatible” with. For example, if the woman in the profile says she wants a man with blonde hair, and our internet searcher has brown hair, he will often simply give up and go on to the next profile. This is completely the wrong approach.
I’ll tell you a secret. You can completely ignore 80% of the text on a woman’s dating profile page.
In a letter to Marie Bonaparte, Sigmund Freud famously pondered:
“The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is What does a woman want?’”
This question is perplexing to men. Probably because men are able to ascertain sexual attraction in under one second. And it is relatively easy for a man to describe a woman he would like to mate with tonight. (Keep in mind that we are not talking about relationships here – merely instant sexual attraction.) But when we ask a woman to describe what turns her on, sporadic answers often result.
This phenomenon is nicely described by Malcolm Gladwell in his bestseller Blink:
“…how good is Mary at predicting what she likes in a man? Fisman and Iyengar can answer that question really easily, and what they find when they compare what speed-daters say they want, with what they are actually attracted to in the moment is that those two things don’t match. For example, if Mary said at the start of the evening that she wanted someone intelligent and sincere, that in no way means she’ll be attracted only to intelligent and sincere men.It’s just as likely that John, whom she likes more than anyone else, could turn out to be attractive and funny but not particularly sincere or smart at all. Second, if all the men Mary ends up liking during the speed-dating are more attractive and funny than they are smart and sincere, on the next day, when she’s asked to describe her perfect man, Mary will say that she likes attractive and funny men. But that’s just the next day. If you ask her again a month later, she’ll be back to saying that she wants intelligent and sincere.You can be forgiven if you found the previous paragraph confusing. It is confusing: Mary says that she wants a certain kind of person. But then she is given a roomful of choices and she meets someone whom she really likes, and in that instant she completely changes her mind about what kind of person she wants. But then a month passes, and she goes back to what she originally said she wanted.” ( Gladwell, Malcolm. “Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking.” Time Warner Books., 2007.)
So what’s going on here? Why do women so often say they are turned on by one man, but then actually choose another? Why do women swear they want a “nice guy”, but end up in the backseat with the bad boys? I think the answer is that women are simply not meant to have access to the network of neurons in her brain which illicit an attraction response. Her taste for men is buried in her unconscious mind – in the same way that her taste for food is.
If I describe the ingredients of an exotic Asian delicacy, which you have never tried, you might be able to gauge how much or how little you will actually like it upon your first taste. But your estimation may or may not be accurate. In the same manner, the Lovemap was only meant to be queried in the moment. Mary’s Lovemap will tell her if she’s turned on or turned off, but it was never meant to tell her why. Just as we were never meant to know “why” meat taste good and urine tastes bad. The lower brain just knows, because it was programmed to know – via millions of years of evolution. As psychologist and marketing genius Dr. Howard Moskowitz said, “The mind knows not what the tongue wants.”
So let us suppose that she has emailed you saying, “I do like your profile, but sorry, I only date blondes.” How should we treat this information?
Experience dictates that the best reaction is to simply not react at all. In fact, never mention it again. If she brings up a disjunct between her purported ideal, and you, just smile and brush her remark away. Any failings you have to meet up to her expectations, are often only an issue if you make them one.
The non-members
Beware the siren-like call of the dating website full of women who do not exist. Each dating website has various ways of blending the profiles of paying members with expired accounts. When a woman stops paying her fees on Match.com, do you think they remove her profile? Nope. It will stay on there indefinitely unless she explicitly requests its removal. The same is true for most dating websites. This is why you should usually only send emails to the women who have logged on recently. This usually means they are paying members. If you email a non-paying member on Match.com she will only be notified that she’s got mail. She can’t read it and they don’t tell her who it’s from.
The new members
We remember the first and last thing we read the best. So when new members sign up, it’s probably best to email them as soon as you can. Women tend to respond more enthusiastically to the first few people who email them. Then, as they get increasingly jaded by the onslaught of boring men, their response rate seems to decline.
This is why you should use the “who’s new” feature on your dating website’s search engine. And get yourself on their mailing list of new new members
Beware of Trolls, Transvestites and Thieves
It’s usually not too hard to spot the fake profiles on dating websites. Here are a few tips that may reveal that the person you’re talking to has intentions other than dating you.
- They have horrible English skills.
- They have barely filled in any of their profile fields.
- They only have one picture.
- They are overtly sexual.
- They talk about money a lot.
- They are from a foreign country that you can’t even find on a map.
- They are emailing you from over 100 miles away.
Below, I’ve listed a few schemers to watch out for.
Gold Diggers, Courtesans, and Prostitutes
A lot of women in the bigger cities will post profiles on dating websites in the hopes of exchanging dirty emails for the eventual purpose of prostitution.
Spammers and eWhores
Inserting spam in chat rooms, forums, and dating websites is actually a pretty big business. And internet marketers will go to great lengths to create avatars that appear like friendly men or women. They do so in the hopes of getting your email address, or getting you to buy a product. Don’t respond to anyone who:
- Asks for your personal email address in an odd way.
- Asks if you’d like to, “see me naked on my webcam.”
- Tells you that if you want to talk to them, you have to sign up to a website.
Foreign Thieves
The following is an actual conversation I had with a Russian spammer named “Alina.” I’m reprinting it below so you can get a feel for how these conversations usually go. Notice how it doesn’t matter what I write. She has undying love for me.
ALINA: HI! Do you really like my picture? I shall send you another my picture in the following letter. I have some questions i hope to get your answers, It’s important for me to learn some your opinion. Also i shall try to answer your questions, if not now that later, if you looking for fun, tell me goodbye, welll I shall try to tell a little about my character. well.. I think I am very romantic woman. I like to communicate with people, it is pleasant to me i like good humour. I hope we shall learn each other gradually.
ME: Well about me, personally I like cooking and crashing cars. When I look at goats I get turned on. I am also attracted to girls who pee on their feet in the shower. Sometimes I like to lick girls on the eyeball for hours. I hope you can fly to California so we can have sex someday! See you soon!
ALINA: Hi ! I am glad to receive again your message, every day we shall learn more about each other and it’s an interesting. I had usual day but I have received your letter and now my mood became much better. Thank you for yours some answers to my questions it helps me to learn more about you and to understand you. I send you another picture. I hope you like me on photo of me and my dad. tell me more about your family. Do you have many relatives?
ME: Wow that’s interesting! Can I have the phone number of your dad. I think your dad is pretty hot!
ALINA: It is pleasant, that you were interested in my some ideas inmessages. , usually i do not tell about the deep ideas and opinions, but i has written to you, because i has felt desire to open it to you.I more independent woman, but probably sometimes am necessary that there was one man, which i can to open and trust – sometimes it happens hardly to reflect all these things. I am glad, that has found your understanding you see it happens not frequently. I wait your letters.
ME: Personally, I only date girls who believe in determinism and subscribe to at least some flavor of eclecticism. Tell me, in your studies, do you think that the discrepancies between quantum mechanics and classical physics will ever be surmounted resulting in completion of the T.O.E. Or, do you think that such a unification is impossible and ultimately, final resolve will only be achieved by acknowledging the boundary domain of the strong and weak nuclear, electromagnetic, and gravitational forces?
ALINA: Hi my dear Vyatcheslav! I am glad again to speak with you! By the way, yesterday I had quite good evening with my friends. We went to club and there some hours. First we had the good supper and a little of champagne, then played balling and a little danced. Impressions have remained good, only when I saw , as some my girlfriends danced and kissed their men – I had small envy to them. I thought of you. My gentle Kisses!
ME: Yesterday I went to a nightclub too and drank eight Long Island Iced Teas. I got so drunk that I puked all over the breasts of the girl sitting next to me. She started screaming and then her boyfriend started charging forward toward me to kick my ass. Well since I’m only 1.2 meters tall, I screamed, “MIDGET POWER” and I rolled under his feet, thereby tripping his advancing charge. He sailed right into a table of football players – who in turn promptly kicked his ass.
ALINA: I hope you have good day! Good news is come. i wish it to you. I hope, this will give again to good emotions. I have got the opportunity to yes travel to California. I have 1000 Euros. But if I could just get 1000 more Euros, I could pay for my ticket and we will be complete and together finally. Can you please mail to me the money yes?
ME: I want to see you! You need to come to California. I do have money, but it is in a bank account in Iraq. If you can just mail me the 1000 euros, then I could mail the 1000 euros to my friend in Iraq. Then, he can take the money from my bank account – which has 20,000 euros in it! Then we can be together!
It always starts with a few emails about her homeland and her need to be with you. And it escalates to her eventually asking you for money so she can hop on a plane and come see you. So please, don’t send any money to some girl you met online. This may sound like an obvious point. But you’d be surprised how profitable this scam is.
Trolls & Transvestites
The internet forums and dating websites are full of lonely men who get their kicks by playing with people’s emotions. If you sense that your conversations are taking on bizarrely sexual twists and turns, be warned, you might be talking to a guy.
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